Friendly Outsiders

I recently wrote a note to myself, the kind people write to their younger selves. It goes something like this: “For any relationship, of any kind, in the absence of genuine communication, the only other language human beings adopt is that of power. When you won’t connect to people, they will try to dominate you or you will leave before any such signs show up. Always remember. If there is no natural communication, be concerned.” It is what I have seen from far and near all through my adult life.

Having said that, what if your genuine communication became different from the genuine communications of others around you? You relate to daily realities when your daily reality is comparable to the person in conversation. It is why if seen closely, in the world there seem to be people who live in it and people who look at it. Those who look at the world, see things that inform more about norms of acceptance and movement across groups. It partly explains why over the past few years I developed this look on my face as if I was constantly absorbing a social world that I understood well behaviorally. However, it is not a world that would be a place of comfort necessarily. It is a place of social information. When people connect or have best friends, it is assumed they share the same social environments. When they don’t, power is used as the only other language because it is what human beings do. Unfortunately, there is no category called a friendly outsider. If there was, such a person would either be told to get help or in extreme circumstances, get beaten to death.