Thanks for Coming

Death is an inevitable part of the human experience. In recent times, whenever I have taught death as a topic in psychology, one challenge has been to maintain belief in everything life-like celebrated in psychology while informing about the reality of death — a dark idea which kept even Freud awake. Human beings know about death from the get-go and yet death seems to be most surprising event to us or anyone we know. One of the reasons for assuming life to be more permanent than death is how we get to control what happens in life, not anything before life or after death. We spend most of our lives prolonging a good life. However, if death was a topic of further probe in the humanistic perspective, one consensus would be for the following statement:

A good relationship with death can enable a good life.

The final insult or injury to the body is what scares more people about death. Put differently, how our physical existence will come to an end is what we can relate with most closely because of experience with injury, pain, lethargy, sickness, and disease. Death, therefore, is seen as an extreme form of these experiences which we then try not to think about much. However, if we put 'death as ultimate injury or sickness' idea aside and simply see death our final chapter with the last punctuation of our last sentence of life still in our hands, death is likely to feel familiar, possibly even a moral reminder of sorts which can keep our priorities intact.

Another part of this shared event across people is facing the death of someone you love or knew for many years. In many ways, watching someone else's death is far more difficult than facing your own because we don't ever have to deal with our own after-death or dead body.

One possible way of coping the impermanence of our own and shared precious lives with others is described ahead. Most of us get caught in normative responses when different trajectories may exist for different kinds of people depending on their life experiences.

Grieving is recognized as a normal response and isn't supposed to be seen as a psychological issue. Once most acquaintances and close ones have got on with their lives, a closure with continuity narrative can be followed without being dysfunctional or experiencing the loss as a form of insanity. Here's one possible example:

_________ parted from my life/died/got lost on ______________. The moment when I felt the loss fully was after seeing (the trigger/memory/photo, etc.). Today I have accepted fully that I’ll not see ________ again as part of my life. Goodbye, ___________.

This is good for more secular minded people, particularly those who don’t follow any spirituality.

One scenario is ending the narrative here itself.

For the more spiritually minded or open-minded, receptive to the idea of non-physical existence, something that may even show up in science years later as a form of continued energy transformation from the visible to the invisible, here is how the rest can follow.

The idea is healing naturally such that the relationship lost is not killed abruptly, and anything people built in their shared experience is kept alive, only in a different way.

Each Friday, I cook ______________ on your behalf or play (instrument/song) on your behalf. We all then hold each other’s hands, pray, and remember you, pray for the wellness and freedom of your spirit.

The above is not to be carried in a state of denial. Only after fully recognizing and accepting the loss or the knowing the person will not exist in your life as usual. This should help with role change transitions, new activities or leisure shouldn’t bring guilt in this way, neither being sad most of the time should be seen as a regular expectation from close others.

Many people show sadness for loss only when or once alone. After a few years, if this habit begins to wear off, this shouldn't be seen as a bad sign. The continuation of new life can be enabled without guilt which becomes more and more possible if you reminisce about the good times already given to each other. The meeting of each life with another is supposed to be a precious impermanent experience meant to bring meaningful changes in the world.